Week 2 of self-reflection - Am I too honest?

This week’s self-reflection time has me asking myself - am I too honest? There's being honest and upfront and then there's being too honest where one speaks whatevers on its mind. I've never been the one to shimmer down on my thoughts or feelings. I over-think. I over-feel. I over-share. My biggest fear in life is miscommunication. Unspoken words scare me. Every story has two sides they say and I'm never the one to stay silent about my side. I don't care about looking weak and vulnerable. If I feel it, I say it. If I think you're an amazing human being, I'm not afraid of cherishing you with sweet cheesy words. If you've hurt me, I will tell you straight. If my soul is missing you, I have absolutely no fear of telling you so. Like my friend said to me today: "If you have a problem, you confront it". Yes I do. I'm always writing letters, essays and poems expressing my feelings. I feel everything. Sure it can be tiresome (Probably why I had a mental breakdown recently) but that's just me - a writer with a heart that's always wide wide open, with no fear of living in the moment of feelings and thoughts and keeping it real. But what happens when keeping it real becomes problematic? When you’re too honest for your own good? How honest is too honest?

My friends all know to turn to me for an honest opinion, however being too honest and all, they sometimes don't like what I have to say. "You tell everyone how you feel, whether they want to hear it or not". I do. And it's probably why I too often find myself saying "Sorry. Was I too honest? Did I hurt your feelings?" I don't know how to hold back. I would like to say I am indeed compassionate. But sensitive?  Not so much, no. So which of course is why my honesty too often comes across as mean. And I'm not a mean person. I just LOVE an honest straightforward talk. "I don't know B. It might hurt your feelings". Nah, just tell me. Let's talk. Let's talk honestly. No bullshit between us. I prefer to just tell it how it is - no bullshit, reckless talking, words that come straight from the heart. I have no problem speaking my mind to my friends. Whether it's telling them that I think they're making a mistake, revealing to them that I don't like their partner or just straight-up telling them they’re being a knob. Yup. Too honest. Too blunt. That's me. And you see - that's the problem. Lately it has dawned on me that I should maybe strive to be more sensitive rather than straight-up hitting people with my brutally honest ways. I at times forget that not everyone is like me, not everyone is cut out to be horribly straightforward. I think I need to hold back a bit more. Remind myself that some people just love to live in their protective, comfortable waterproof bubble. And that too is okay. I need to keep that in mind before sharing my thoughts out loud.  

But you see, I'm that "no bullshit, honest talk" kind of friend. I'm a good listener. I'm thoughtful. Compassionate. I love raining positivity and courage to my friends life when they need it the most. But like a mirror, I don't just highlight their good qualities, I also go on to highlight the areas they don't want to see. Being a good observer, I too often pick up on things my friends are too scared to admit to themselves. And like a mirror, I reflect it back to them. Like I said, too often my bluntness comes across as being mean. I’m not mean, I’m just too honest and a pusher. I like to push my friends to their full potential, keeping their best interests in mind. I think each one of my friends are amazing human beings and I truly believe each one has the power to save the world, make a difference and shine shine shine so brightly. Hint why I can’t sit back silently when I see them settling for less than they deserve. But I need to remember that end of the day, my opinion is just my opinion. It is their life, their choice and I have no right to butt in with my straightforward, no-bullshit views. Unless of course, they ask for it!

Maybe it's bad.

Maybe it's weird.

Maybe it makes me a bad insensitive person.

But I like this honesty-is-the-best policy way of living.

I like living in the moments of feeling my feelings and thinking out loud my thoughts.

I like living my life as straight-forward as possible.

It's always easy to play the cheerleader but I like the role of the 'no bullshitter' more.