Like a person announcing to her/his friends that they have lost
their virginity, I made a big show of announcing to my family and friends that I've lost my
religion. In other words, I am no longer a Muslim. I lost my faith. I don’t identify
with it anymore. I no longer connect with it. Why you ask? Well.... It’s one of
those things, I thought deeply about (Since finishing uni I have A LOT of time
to think about things..) for a very very long time. And yes, I have lost my
religion indeed.
Quick backstory:
Growing up I was raised a Muslim, though my parents never
were strict. Both are very modern, “modern Muslims”. My parents hardly go to
the mosque, has been a good few years for both I think. As a child my mother
forced me to attend Arabic school. Never got into it. And so after a year she
eventually gave up on me. But she brought me up to have morals so I guess I can
say I turned out a decent human being.
Telling my parents about me losing my faith was weirdly
enough easy. I explained to them. They listened. They understood. Asked
questions and eventually saw that I was serious and saw it through my point of
view. My mother gave me her blessing, said I have a good heart so all is good
(such a motherly thing to say. Le sigh). My father did try to debate with me,
but to be honest, he is the last person to preach Islam to me with his history.
So he eventually gave up preaching to me because he knew I wasn’t taking him
seriously nor listening to him.
Sure religion is not simple. I know it all depends on our
culture, lifestyle, mindset and upbringing. But I think in this day and time, we
as a nation are exposed to new things every day, such as the media, philosophy
and global events. We as a nation have changed incredibly over the years. Alot of
the things in the media influences us and therefore conflicts with most of our religious
ideologies. Not that I blame the media and the internet for me losing my
religion. Though as a Media Studies graduate, it certainly has had an impact on
me.
And also, as a woman I felt violated in my own religion. I always
felt like I was put down because of my gender. There’s A LOT of gender discrimination
in Islam. Which as a feminist I don’t agree with, at all. Men + women =
equality! Why should I support a religion that doesn’t support me?
And so.... Maybe my faith in religion will one day come back
to me. Maybe it wouldn’t. But end of the day, I know I have a good heart and good
morals and faith in people, and I think that is enough. Sure, you might say – “but
Burcu, people let you down, unlike religion”. Yes, that’s true buddy, but isn’t
that what faith is all about?
faithfeɪθ/
noun1.
complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
And on that note -
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