I will write to you after dark

Your words are beautiful

dark and deep

but I have promises to keep

I need to go

I need to leave.

I want to love you

but I can't stay

not yet

you are beautiful

but I need to disappear for a while

a long while


I will still write poems in the dark for you

make love to you through my words

draw love hearts on your coffee cup

but I can't stay

not yet

I need to go

I need to save myself first


at night I will lie to myself

I will lie to you too

I will look away when you look at me

I will not allow for our eyes to meet

not today

not yet


I'm a mess today

tomorrow I be fine

tomorrow I be stronger

tomorrow I be worth your love

I can't allow you to devote yourself to me 

not just yet

not when my insecurities still have me chained up

not when I still feel like a prisoner inside my own head

I need to break away from my fears

leave the past behind



words are not just words

the one before you

I cherished him in my soft words

painted him in such a light

but fear and insecurities took over

and harsh words

from me to him

him to me

were spoken

but it doesn't mean the soft words once spoken

from me to him

were any less true

because for me

words are not just words

my words are a crumpled bit of my soul


so please

you need to leave now

although you will remember me

as the one who asked your shadow to dance with her

all while she was still very afraid of her own shadow