you are my crude vice

What's wrong with you // why are you so restless // I coloured you in colours in areas you coloured yourself grey // how dare you tell me I be fine when your absence is everywhere // I'm fine today though // I forgot your words // that's a lie // I have them on my wall // wonder if you still drink your coffee black // and listen to classical music when it rains // you said nothing is permanent in life // that my feelings for you today will be gone tomorrow // five minutes later you took your top off to show me your tattoo on your chest // oh the irony // you made jealousy and anger a home in me // remember that day you told me to only focus on your eyes during my panic attack // you played me Billie Holiday to calm me down // you thought you could leave without a trace // I make a home out of people and commit them into poetry don't you know // I make them immortal in my words // did you feel prisoned by my words too // felt suffocated by my love // people seem to leave but I still keep them alive in my heart // which is slowly becoming a damn museum with its rooms and rooms of history // why do I find the unavailable so alluring // why do I let their cold words decorate my veins // why am I still wondering if you ever wonder about me // although I deleted all your photos // but dammit I still keep your birthday card // what's wrong with me.