Wonderland

The first one broke your heart so well that the ones after could never fill that void so they thought of you as cold and heartless didn't they? I see how you drift through life like a gypsy, stealing moments of happiness to fill that certain emptiness. Habits you won't set free. You knock back on things so you can feel something again. Unfortunately, that feeling is only temporary isn't it? Because I know that in the morning you still wake up with this deadly sadness overtaking you. Lost and confused like Alice on which road to take.

Tell me, where did it begin? How far have you walked for people that never even took one step for you? How many times did you thief away your own happiness to make someone else happy? Why do you feel the need to sell yourself short for people that could never fill you nor complete you? What are your secrets that make you so restless like the white rabbit?

But I see you. I see how you try and fill your life with inspirational quotes as if pretty words can paint over your heartache. You torment yourself with the ghosts of your past. A river overflown with heavy emotions. I saw your eyes remember. I read your words. I listened to your stories. And that night I whispered in your ear - "beautiful things break my heart" but you looked the other way. And still my stubborn heart adored the forever sadness in your eyes. Guess you can call me crazy like the Queen of Hearts.

But one needs to understand. My soul may be full of chaos. But what I felt wasn't weak. I fell down the rabbit hole. I sacrificed my words. My mind admired effortlessly. Even when you gave yourself away to me with a false sense of security. Remember how I requested a pinky promise from you cos I knew you made a habit out of going back on your words with me. I lived under the illusion, that somehow, someday. Mess of a dreamer I am. But I would rather seize every tiny drop of love and go mad as the Hatter than be a fool and play it cool by making my world a little colder.

"Thoughts are not facts"

The voices in your head ain't real. Stop feeding them.
The voices in your head ain't real. They just know you very well.
The voices in your head ain't real. They just know your weaknesses along with the mistakes you tuck into bed with you at night.
The voices in your head ain't real. They know what to say to make you crash.
The voices in your head ain't real. They will say it over and over again. Louder and louder.
The voices in your head ain't real. They are just big fat fucking liars.