Keep me where the light is

There's nothing beautiful about depression.

wish I could turn this into a cute poem

but I can't.

hours turn to days

days turn to weeks

and every morning I am left fighting the same demons that tormented me the night before.

I am sick

I am tired

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired

I had enough of feeding my demons

and starving the woman in the mirror

when can I make her proud?

when is she going to stop feeling afraid?


They ask

they wonder

about my tattoo

they want to know what it means

let them ask

let them wonder


Would they understand

my fear

of the darkness that decorate my veins?

how do I explain to them

the hunger in my soul

the way it craves and longs for the light?


Another day of my feelings suffocating me

suffocating others

I feel everything

all too much

all at once

hold my tongue


I used to bright up the room with my laughter

I used to be the life of the party

I used to flirt and giggle my way through life

now I'm the thunderstorm

striking people with my cruel cold ways

the flowers I grew inside of me

wilt in my darkness

"Thoughts are not facts"

The voices in your head ain't real. Stop feeding them.
The voices in your head ain't real. They just know you very well.
The voices in your head ain't real. They just know your weaknesses along with the mistakes you tuck into bed with you at night.
The voices in your head ain't real. They know what to say to make you crash.
The voices in your head ain't real. They will say it over and over again. Louder and louder.
The voices in your head ain't real. They are just big fat fucking liars.

Let’s talk about mental illness

October 10th. World Mental Health Day. 

I be the first to say it, I was pretty ignorant about depression. That was until my best friend and my mother went through it few years back. I had no idea how to even start to help them deal with it, so I did my research. I read every book and blog I could find to help educate myself on depression. And let me tell you, reading about it is almost as scary as watching your loved ones physically go through it. Before all this I didn’t know depression is actually a chronic physical illness with symptoms that are mostly invisible. Like, did you know nearly one in four people worldwide will experience a mental health issue? So the chances are you or someone you love has battled depression at some point in their life.

Today another close friend of mine is battling depression. A girl full of life and charisma, always centre of attention because she is that smart and funny, who makes me laugh with no effort and opens my mind to many possibilities. Someone who is so optimistic, enthusiastic and positive about life. Yes this girl is suffering from serious depression. And that sucks. But she is fighting and that takes courage. I admire her for her strength and unselfishness. You see, that’s the thing about depression. It can get any one of us. Depression is a disease. A mental health that needs to be taken as seriously as physical health. Many people who experience mental illness feel like they should shroud in secrecy due to the illness being represented negatively in the media. Talking about depression is still a taboo. Let me tell you - there’s no shame in dealing with these things, no shame in fighting this battle every day. You’re here today and that alone is you winning this war. There are going to be some really really tough days but you got to keep fighting.

 What I learned from watching loved ones go through depression is that you need to remind yourself that there are three people in this relationship – you, them and depression. One important thing I read was that you need to help them feel powerful. So remind them each day that they are needed and loved, give them a bit of power by making them feel wanted and useful. Offer them generous and non-judgmental support on a regular basis, it will do them good to talk. And keep in mind that it’s the depression speaking. Dealing with a loved one who has depression takes effort, patience and compassion, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it. Thankfully we live in a time where there is a cure for this illness, with the right support, medication and therapy, its beatable!  I hope with more and more celebrities (like Demi Lovato, Katy Perry and Jared Padalecki) opening up to the media about their battle with depression, along with awareness days like World Mental Health Day, we can give that conversation the platform it needs and help heighten the awareness. Just remember - sometimes it takes a village to kick depression’s ass.